


A Second Chance I Never Deserved

by Anduril_Narsil549



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Hood/Arsenal (Comics)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Angst, Dick Grayson Whump, Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jason is a good brother, Nightmare, Trauma, Whump, light on comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:47:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26315155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anduril_Narsil549/pseuds/Anduril_Narsil549
Summary: When Dick has a hard night that tops off a horrible month, he finds himself severely unsettled by what feelings it dredges out of the past. Jason is a good brother and helps him through it.A.K.A., Dick will carry guilt around for everything that isn't even remotely his fault...
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Jason Todd
Comments: 25
Kudos: 192





	A Second Chance I Never Deserved

**Author's Note:**

> T/W: some flashbacks and trauma

It had been a week.

More properly, it had been a month. And a bad one. This week had just topped it all off.

In reality, _tonight_ had topped it all off.

Dick tiredly parked his bike at one of his safe-houses. Sitting on it for a moment, he took a deep, heavy breath and, pinching his eyes closed, let it out slowly.

He'd been tracking a new drug dealer, one who had too many connections in the wrong places and too much money that allowed him to make his threats a reality. It seemed like Dick had been one step behind him at every turn, one second too slow at confrontations, one moment too long to act.

The picture of dead people, people he was too slow to save, flashed across his mind, and his eyes snapped open. Hastily dismounting the bike, he practically sprinted up the stairs to the apartment.

Grabbing for his keys, he fumbled them about with shaking hands until he got the one he wanted. He jammed it into the hole, fiercely shoving the door open. Slamming it shut behind him, he went to the kitchen, opening and closing cupboards in an anxiety and frustration-driven need to move and do _something_.

Pausing a moment, he closed his eyes again, trying to collect himself. Instead, it allowed a number into his head.

Twenty-three.

Shaking himself, he grabbed for a cereal box and a bowl.

Twenty-three. That was how many he hadn't saved this week.

Twelve of those were tonight.

And five of them had been teenagers.

Gripping the box tightly, Dick didn't realize he was grinding his teeth until they squeaked together. He stepped back from the counter, running hands through his hair.

He'd seen people die before. He'd had people die around him before. The guilt of that, even when there was nothing else he could have done, wasn't new. It wasn't even what was eating him tonight.

One of those teenagers. He couldn't get the face of one of those teenagers out of his mind. He had looked too much--

A heavy knock on his door made him jump. Looking warily at it, he grabbed an escrima stick and crept toward it. His brain was so rattled he didn't even wonder who it was. His muscles worked all on their own.

His brain was also rattled enough that the glance through the peep hole froze him. The teenager's face flashed through his brain again. So still, so young, blood speckled across his face--

Another heavy knock jolted Dick, and he opened the door, standing square in it. He stared at the newcomer, silent.

"Hello to you too. I'm fine thanks, other than this gaping hole in my side," Jason said dryly when Dick remained silent.

"Jason," Dick said dumbly before rubbing his face. His eyes flicked to where Jason, stooped over, held a hand to his side. It was slick with blood.

Red, so red...

" _Dickface._ " Dick started, realizing Jason had said his name more than once.

"Come in," he said, stepping aside and ignoring the strange look his brother shot him. Working almost mechanically, Dick grabbed his med kit and some clean clothes and brought them to the bathroom, where Jason had already stripped out of his armor and shirt.

"What happened?" Dick finally asked, the steadiness of his voice surprising him.

"Unlucky shot. My armor was compromised, and the thug took advantage."

Kneeling, Dick cleaned and dressed the wound. When Jason had said "gaping," he wasn't really exaggerating.

It took everything in Dick to stay focused and in control of himself.

Finishing, Dick silently cleaned things up as Jason changed into the clothes.

"You alright?" Dick asked, looking closely at Jay.

His brother raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm in one piece. I'd say that's pretty good for me."

Swallowing back bile, Dick stepped close and wrapped Jason carefully into a hug. His brother didn't know how those words chilled him.

Jason squirmed a bit before relenting and hugging Dick back.

"Any of the food is fair game. Be sure to drink some water. I'll set you up on the couch," Dick finally said, releasing his brother. Holding him at arm's length, he studied Jason's face. It was clean, save the sweat that coated it. No blood. No scratches or wounds.

"Thanks," Jason said, and Dick walked out of the bathroom. He noted the tone of the word, that Jay clearly knew something was wrong, but wasn't sure how to ask about it.

Which was fine with him. He _really_ didn't want to talk about it.

Grabbing a few blankets and a pillow, he tossed them onto the couch before he went into his own room and changed. Dropping onto the bed, he let his exhaustion drag him into unconsciousness.

**

Despite how tired he was, Jason didn't get to sleep right away. The fact that Dick had nothing stronger than over-the-counter pain meds didn't help. The fact that he was on a couch didn't help.

As much as he didn't want to admit it, it was ultimately because he was worried about Dick.

Everything about tonight had been very _uncharacteristic_.

From the moment Dick had opened the door, Jason knew something was wrong. Any idiot could tell that. The fact that Dick looked like he was looking at a ghost when he saw Jason, the utter lack of conversation, the hug that wasn't just typical Dickface affection, but was more like a man clinging to a life-line, and that he hadn't insisted for Jason to take the bed...something was wrong.

Shifting, Jason took a pained breath. He knew he should ask Dick about it, but, well...

He was crap at anything that smacked of heart-to-heart conversations.

Carefully shifting some more, he finally found a position that wasn't absolute agony. Staying as still as possible, he pushed the problem of Dick's strange behavior to the back of his mind. It could wait until tomorrow, when they had both had some sleep.

He was just drifting off when a strange, low noise snagged his attention, dragging him back to consciousness.

Listening carefully, he could tell it was from Dick's room. It almost sounded like Dick was talking with someone. Mentally shrugging to himself, he decided he wasn't that curious about Dick's personal business to deal with the hassle of moving from the only comfortable position he'd been in in the last hour.

That is, until he heard Dick's moan that choked to an end with what could only be called a sob.

"Dickface," Jason sighed, leveraging himself up as concern filled him. Moving carefully so as to not jostle his stitches, Dick's words became clearer as Jason approached the room.

"I'm sorry Bruce...no...no...I failed, _I failed_..." Jason was filled with disgust, anger toward Bruce rising. _How dare he do anything to Dick to make him feel this way_ \--

"I had a second chance, Bruce...I wasted it, I _wasted it_...he died, he died _again_."

Jason had finally made it to the partially closed door when the words froze him.

"I'm so sorry--" Dick broke off with a sob again.

Jason slammed the door open and flipped on the lights, startling Dick both awake and upright. Jason waited as the man glanced about the room, his dazed look from whatever nightmare he'd been in fading before his eyes finally settled on Jason.

"Jay." Clearing his throat, Dick tried again. "Jay, you alright? Do you need something?"

"You bet I need something," Jason growled, shuffling toward the rumpled bed. "What the _hell_ is wrong?"

"What?" Dick asked, looking genuinely confused.

Standing over Dick, Jason fixed him with a glare. "You have done everything tonight that screams _'Dickface isn't ok_ ' before you went to bed, and I just woke you up from a nightmare about Damian dying again. _What are you not telling me?_ Is the brat in some sort of trouble? Do we need to call in the cavalry?"

Dick's face fell. "I'm fine, Jason, and no, Damian's not in trouble."

" _Bull,_ Dick, and we both know it. If you won't tell me what's up with Damian, I'll call Bruce, then Alfred, then whoever else I need to to figure it out." Reaching for Dick's cell on his nightstand, he was honestly shocked when Dick's hand clasped around his wrist.

He was even more shocked that it was shaking.

"Jason." Dick closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "Jason," he said again. "There's no need to call anyone. I...I didn't have a nightmare about Damian. It...I...It was about you."

Part of Jason wanted to shout _Bull_ at Dick again. The other part of him saw the pain and fear etched into Dick's face.

"What...Dick..." Jason stared at his brother, his older brother who he never felt like he could live up to, never felt like he could be wanted by. He saw no hint of a lie.

Running a hand over his head, Dick looked away from Jason to the floor. "I...Jay, I couldn't save a lot of people this week. One of them..." He fell silent, then shook his head. "You don't need to hear all this. You should be resting." Standing, Dick made to walk out the door, but Jason grabbed his shoulder and, in one sharp movement, sent Dick back onto the bed.

It hurt like a firebrand piercing his side, but that didn't matter. Dick's pain mattered.

"And you should be talking," Jason growled. "So, here's the deal. You talk, then I'll go to bed. Fair trade."

Dick glared at him with what was obviously supposed to be a firm older brother look, but it fell horribly short of being successful.

"What kind of deal is that?" he asked tiredly.

"The best one you'll get. Now spew," Jason said, sitting next to Dick.

Dick was silent for so long Jason thought he'd have to start prying. He was about to when Dick let out a heavy sigh.

"I've been working on taking down a new drug dealer for a while now. It's been just one wrong turn after another. I...have failed in saving a lot of people."

Jason looked at his brother. "Don't play that game, Dick. You know--"

Dick shook his head. "No, that's not it. I always feel some sort of guilt for each one, but this time...tonight...there was one who...he looked so much like you." Dick turned glistening eyes toward Jason. " _He. Looked. So. Much. Like. You._ " His mouth worked silently for a moment, everything in his face pleading with Jason to understand exactly why that was so significant, so important.

"Jason," Dick finally managed, voice hardly more than a whisper. "Jason, I failed you, the first time. We have you... _I_ have you back, for a second chance at being your brother. A second chance I never deserved. If something ever happened--" He shook his head, turning away as his hands balled into fists in the sheets. Silently, nearly imperceptibly, he shook. 

Stunned, Jason just stared at the back of Dick's turned head.

How did he respond to that? That the crux of why Dick was breaking down in front of him was because he felt like he'd failed his brother, and was terrified he'd do it again?

"I'm sorry," Dick said quietly, jolting Jason. "I know how you feel about conversations like this--"

"Dick," Jason said, carefully pulling his brother close into a hug. "Shut up."

Dick tensed for a moment, but, when Jason didn't let go, slowly relaxed.

"Thank you, Jason."

"Sure Dickface." Jason tightened his hold briefly.

"I love you."

Jason tightened his hold again, not releasing the pressure this time. "I know."

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to hear any requests people have for a fic! Drop it in the comments below and I'll see what I can do :)
> 
> Also for those of you following The Hunter and the Hunted, I'm working on updates presently. Thank you for your patience while I get them done!


End file.
